Loving a drug addict is really hard. I can’t help but to care, to feel, to love, to want you. Yet I know, all you care about is yourself and your drugs. I know being with you only brought me down. It tore me down, and ripped me apart.
I see myself falling down if I go back. Maybe try a few things just so I can understand you, to believe you, to be apart of you. I don’t want that. I’ve stood above the influence all my life, I can’t let you drag me to hell.
Your “love” is my fucking addiction.
I want you, I love you-but you don’t give a shit about me. I’m just another pretty vaginia who has always claimed to care about you after everyone shunned you away. Now your ass slut is gone and all the sudden you claim to love me again…words are nothing but empty air.
Lie lie lie.
Drifting through the wind of life.
What paths will I cross?
Where will I go now?
Will I fight this, and win?
Love is an addiction, and I relapsed.
This is a habbit, I’ll regret.
You live in my heart, you conquer my mind.
We’ve done this before, you hurt me inside.
With all my tender emotions-I want you.
With all the misery and pain-I needed you.
Like a never ending nagging feeling-I find myself drawn to you.
But logically-I know I need to stop and run far away from you.
I lost you awhile ago,
To an ugly chemical foe.
You left me when I needed you,
I loved you though, you always fell through.
You are my addiction,
My biggest affliction.
I see you, I taste you,
I love you, I need you.
Months pass, yet you’re still on my mind.
A never ending craving, of heartache is online.
I don’t understand it, I don’t get why.
But Johnny Jones is where this addiction lies.
I’ve gone so long without caving in,
Speak of the devil, and he shall win.
My worldly point of views are spinning
Am I now too, a person dwindling?
I knew it was wrong,
Where are my morals, gone?
I want to stand on my own
And leave you alone.
I have grown stronger from this recovery,
I will not let you take anything away from me.
I will love you from a far
From the depths in my heart.
I know you are not the best for me,
I know that I can never be happy.
And that’s why I must say
That you and I can never be the same.
I send you my love, I cry for you dear.
Your true love is all that I wanted near.
Lesson learned: Love can’t conquer all.
However true love will never disappear.
Like an anchor, you weigh my heart heavy
Buzzing through my body like a chemical dependacy.
I will love you from a far,
Though my thoughts and emotions go ajar.
I will be a friend and I, will listen.
Not to be such a commented girlfriend, or yet to believe him.
I will find my way through this troubled time
And leave what is broken and bitter behind.
I am changing, I am living
I am breathing, and I am evolving.
All because-I do have the strength to be strong,
And fight this battle that is tough and long.
Love is an addiction, and I relapsed.
But I have a new set of judgement that he can’t pass.
I will overcome the love withdrawls
And stand tall with stronger built walls.
One day, I with fall in love again
Head over heels-blindly like an idiot.
And one day, love won’t hurt me
And I will be, so glad that I did it.
This is a poem I wrote today. First one in a little while.
I wanna try this.
I saw no wrong in you, when no one saw no right in you. Its been months but I still love you. I want the pain to go away.
I wanna go vegan for the next 2 weeks, I’ve never done so before. If anyone has any food sugguestions, reciepes, or food brands they could recommend me-please, help a sista out haha. :) I’m excited to try this. If all works well, I probably will maintain this new healthier diet.
Your heart shaped box.
“Reality is a prison. You control this world. Let the pain go, let the hurt go, let the guilt go. What you are imagining right now, that world you control. That place can be as real as any pain.”
- Sucker Punch